


My tears, forever with you (resting under your tree)

by KieranDeForest



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: Also there's no plot, Gen, I love them so much I wanna die, Just a bit of sadness, Remi is a sad sad girl, i can't tag, i'm not okay, kinda angst, post-season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 23:00:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14725241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KieranDeForest/pseuds/KieranDeForest
Summary: Remi goes back to South Africa to try to make peace with the fact that Roman is gone.Takes place somewhere after season 3





	My tears, forever with you (resting under your tree)

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my 1st language so please be nice
> 
> Title is from Under Your Tree by Sonata Arctica

An unmarked car parks by the old Kruger’s house, and Remi steps out. The sight of the huge tree brings her a lot of memories; memories of when they were just Alice and Ian, running and playing and laughing. Memories of their parents. Of easier times, before the orphanage and Shepherd and whatever they’ve become along the way. They’re not pleasant – simply because it hurts to think about all the “what if’s” – but she keeps her head held up high.   
“Take your time”, Weller says, but she’s barely listening anymore.   
Remi walks to the tree and touches the bark, desperately trying to remember what happened. She had lost a lot of time, but Weller – who recognized her from the moment he opened his eyes back at the hospital – was helping her fill in some gaps. She didn’t trust him yet, and at first she felt like there was nowhere she could run, but the sight of Avery made her stay. Weller – hell, all of them – couldn’t be terrible people when they helped her (or Jane, whatever) find her daughter again.   
“Hey, brother”, she says, felling a little stupid. Remi never believed that someone from the other side could hear her – if there was an other side anyway –, but she felt like she needed to say goodbye.   
“I don’t know if you knew... But the whole op fell apart.” She sighed. “You probably did. You were the smartest one, y’know.”  
Remi smiled, remembering about little Roman playing with his chemistry set. He wanted to be a scientist, and he would have become a really great one.  
“You were fucking weak, though. You were weak and I always had to look out for you. Since we were kids. You couldn’t kill the fucking bunny and you would cry and call for mom and dad, and I had to hold your hand because you were just weak. Or this is what I used to think.” She let out a small laugh. “Sometimes I hated you for that. I think brothers and sisters do hate each other sometimes, maybe that’s normal, I don’t know. But yeah, I hated you. Sometimes I just wanted to punch you in the face because you couldn’t simply be like me. Do what it had to be done. Y’know?”  
Remi took a deep breath, staring at the horizon. It was beautiful.   
“I hated you because you were good. And I wasn’t. And I couldn’t understand how a part of me was so, so good when I was just... Awful. I though you were weak because you had what I lacked, but deep inside I could never really hate you because you were my half. We only had each other. You know Shepherd was never Mom to us. And it makes me angry that you’re gone now, because...” Remi pressed her fingers into the bark, closing her eyes in a pretty bad attempt of holding the tears in.   
“Because what am I supposed to do without the part of me that was good? How should I go on knowing that my better half is gone and there’s nothing I can do to fix it? And I can’t even remember how... how you died. I bet you cried.” She let out a painful laugh and wiped some tears with one of her hands. “I bet you said that you were sorry. I bet you said that you were scared, that you didn’t want to be alone. And I hope I stayed. I hope I held you until you were gone because even now that’s what I would do.”   
She finally let out a sob, holding tightly to the tree so she didn’t fall on her knees. Being emotional was not a part of her, but she was allowing herself to feel, at least once.   
“I wonder if I told you I loved you. Because I do. And I wonder if I apologized. I treated you bad lots of times, I was shit to you, but I thought that was what I should be doing, and you sometimes probably hated me for that, but... Fuck, I miss you so much I would destroy the world to have you back. I am so sorry, Roman. I am so, so sorry.”   
She took another deep breath and tried to recompose herself. “At least I know that you’re home now, right? You have always loved this place...” She smiled. “It now belongs to you.”   
And with one last glance, she went back to the car.


End file.
